People Treat You The Way You Treat Yourself
I see relationships based on the reflection of how you treat yourself. Do you ever wonder why certain people are mean to you, or treat you badly, or that people never seem to do as much as you do for them, or don’t appreciate you but still ask for more of you? Whether your partner thinks you need to be at his/her beck and call, whether your parents want you to drop everything in your life to help them, or your kids bosses you around or your work not only forgets to acknowledge any appreciation for you AND keeps asking you to do more? Those are just a few examples of you lacking self-love for yourself and over-servicing others while sacrificing who you are.
Now, I’m not here to point fingers at who is at fault here, because EVERYONE is responsible for their own choices in life. Whether it’s actively treating people badly, OR whether it’s passively accepting bad treatment. They’re still choices!
If you haven’t already read my post about self-talk, please read it first! Now we all know we can be super-biatches to ourselves and be as nasty as can be! Once we change that, we can finally allow ourselves to grow and have love for ourselves. After we have love for ourselves, nothing can hurt us, and we will be able to share our love to others (from our full cup).
How is my attitude towards myself a reflection for others?
Still don’t get why the way you treat yourself matters? Here are some hypothetical examples:
- LOVE LIFE– If you like to be the one chasing, pleasing, catering, doing, for your partner or future partner, in fear of them leaving or not liking you, then it shows a sense of self-rejection and lack self-respect. By doing so much more for another, it means you feel like you’re not enough for them and don’t have as much to offer. This is very unbalanced for a relationship. As such, you are valuing yourself as having low self-worth and unworthy. You treat yourself that way, and your partner does too.
- WORK LIFE- If you like to go above and beyond for your work, often doing more than necessary, feeling stressed and drained everyday, then it shows you lack self-worth and self-respect. Generally, the more you do for others, the more expectations you have to be promoted, or acknowledged and appreciated in return. Thus, ending up angry, stressed, treated unfairly and under appreciated all the time. This means you don’t respect your time, energy or efforts, not knowing when to stop when you’re reaching breaking point. As you usually say ‘yes’ to everyone, don’t even know the word ‘no’, you’ll end up given more work because they think you can handle it.
- FRIENDS & FAMILY- If you’re the one helping others at the drop of a hat regardless of what you planned to do, just so they can be happy and like you more, then it shows that you lack in self-love and do not respect your time. When we over-service others, we often feel angry, that no one seems to do anything for us in return! Why doesn’t anyone respect your time, when you also have your own life to take care of! We do things to please others so we can feel like we’re a good person, a good friend and that we’re valued. Though when you measure your worth based on your efforts for others or what they think of you, it often leaves you feeling depleted and not good enough. They don’t think you’re busy and don’t need to respect you as you never stood up for yourself or let them know what’s going on in your life.
- PARENT-CHILD- If you’re the type to struggle to say no to their child when they start crying, or apologise when you discipline them and have a hard time getting them to do as you ask, then it generally means you’re worried you’re not a good enough parent, lack conviction in what you want and are afraid your kids won’t like/love you. What this means is that YOU actually don’t like yourself, you second-guess if you’re doing the right thing or if you’re doing enough, which shows a lack self-love, self-worth and self-respect. When you’re unsure of yourself, your kids get confused, and since you’re not the boss, they decide they will take over instead. When you’re confident, certain, a pillar of support, your kids will look to you and listen to you. You are the parent, and you make the rules. You don’t have to give in, if they use crying as a tool to get what they want. Babies and kids cry, because that’s what they do, to show their frustrations. Once you actually like and love yourself, it doesn’t need to be confirmed by a third party. You will be loved unconditionally. If you strive to make your kids happy 100% of the time, then you’re not doing your job as a parent! 😂
Treat yourself better and others will follow suit
- SELF-RESPECT: Respect your TIME, ENERGY, BODY and EFFORTS. Yours is equally as important as anybody elses. Do not sacrifice yours for others. Do enough for others without draining yourself or expecting things from others. You will be much happier when you’re not drained and not expecting. When you’re happier, you’re more approachable and able to see things in a more positive light! As you respect yourself, others will start respecting you too. Don’t accept anything less! Don’t be scared to lose anything that wasn’t yours to start with. No amount of forcing will work for love, work or relationships. Diffuse oils such as: Forgive (Renewing Blend), Thyme, Wintergreen, Grapefruit (eating), Patchouli (Physical body), Smart & Sassy (eating/body), Cinnamon (sexual) & Jasmine (sexual).
- SELF-APPRECIATION: No one can ever appreciate you if you don’t even appreciate yourself! Acknowledge all your efforts and everything that you do daily and be grateful to yourself and all your accomplishments. Compliment yourself when you finish any task. When you see gratitude, you will likely see more of it and be able to accept it. Most people who want gratitude, will not see it when given. When someone comes along and compliments you, you’ll most likely brush it off and say something critical about yourself. But the nicer you are to yourself, the more accepting you’ll be when others appreciate you. Say thank you next time without following up on something negative! Diffuse oils such as: Sallubelle (Immortelle), Console (Comforting Blend), Marjoram, Spikenard (Gratitude), Myrrh & TerraArmour (Repellant Blend).
- SELF-LOVE: Be kind to yourself, build up love for yourself, your body and your mind. The more you love yourself, the harder it will be to hurt your feelings. If you already think something bad about yourself, then you hear someone say it, then you’ll believe that nasty comment right away, because you deep down already feel that way. However, if you believe you’re super awesome, and someone says something mean about you, it’ll bounce right off you because it contradicts your belief of yourself! Nothing can hurt you if you choose to love yourself. You can choose not to react to other’s opinions of you and you can choose NOT to accept bad treatment as well! Diffuse oils such as Rose, Bergamot (Self-Acceptance), Cassia (Self-Assurance), Geranium (Love & Trust), Magnolia (Can’t receive love), Ylang Ylang (Heartache, rejected, sad), Beautiful and Pink Pepper (Bold & Purposeful).
- SELF-WORTH: Choose to believe in yourself and focus not on your weaknesses, but on your strengths. Live your life by using your skills and strengths unique to you, instead of fretting on the things you’re not good at. You are valuable and worthy just as you are born to be. Don’t let your doubts and comparisons, get in your way! Use positive affirmations everyday and look at all the great things that you are. Cancel any negative thoughts you have!! Diffuse oils such as Neroli (Hopeless), Cheer (Uplifting Blend), Cassia (Self-Assurance), Grapefruit, Spikenard, Lavender, Myrrh, Elevation (Joyful Blend), Smart & Sassy and Digestzen.
Use CORIANDER OIL daily!!! As it is the oil of self-loyalty, it can help those who have tendencies to over-service others and lack self-preservation! It can help you be true to yourself without the need for self-sacrifice. You are beautiful and great without needing to over-service.
Choose how you want to be treated, firstly by treating yourself better!
OTHER RELATED POSTS
What is Self-love? Why it’s important to start young
What’s Your Self Talk Like? Is it Nasty or Nice?
